Power Hungry Husbands

My husband has turned into a power hungry beast. He prowls the hallway of our home, checking each and every room, looking for any opportunity to make us bend to his will. We are trying very very hard to stand up to him (Paige is especially making a valiant effort) but his determination and single-mindedness knows no bounds.

And what has caused this transformation from the mild-mannered man who knew his place in the household to obsessive maniac?

The Nova power bill.

Nick - a power-crazed beast.

Normally when a bill of any description arrives at our cash-strapped homestead it is greeted with a cry of 'Oh God' from hubby before it is taken off to the computer corner where he frantically opens his various financial spread sheets, budget projections and online ledgers and starts twiddling numbers around faster than that brainy chap Russell Crowe played in that film about maths. The twiddling grows ever more frantic before suddenly, it stops. There is nothing more he can do. And then he emerges, head hung, shoulders slumped and intones "We're doomed".

The same routine is followed regardless of the amount, timing of arrival or what the bill is for. Until the Nova bill.

It looked innocuous enough when Paige retrieved it from the mailbox. Nothing indicated the horrors inside on the bright and cheery orange and white envelope. It sat innocently on the kitchen top all day waiting for the Financial Controller to return from work.

But when it was opened all hell broke loose. Yes, it was a bit more than usual. Quite a lot more than usual, in fact. Almost double, if you really want to know.

Frantic checking of meter readings, Nova's calculations and the helpful 'usage' chart all came to nothing. The bill was not estimated, miscalculated or intended for a different household. We had to pay it. All of it. We then realised that it was for a 7 week period over an extreme cold snap making it actually, if not reasonable, then understandable. But the damage was done. Nick decided that the power usage in our house is mostly wasteful and has launched a crusade to make us mend our ways. He is a power hungry beast.

Now, I am sure everyone has left the odd light on when it wasn't required. And does anyone turn electrical items off at the plug? And everyone has had the odd experience like my friend who went off for the weekend leaving the unadorned towel rail on full blast. She remembered she had forgotton to switch it off and made sure to get into the house before her husband upon their return!

But the power hungry Nick beast is now waiting outside every room when you emerge demanding to know if the light is still on for a reason. Saying that you plan to return inside 10 seconds is not accepted as a reasonable excuse and a lecture is administered. He has also adopted the 'Should Have' argument.

The 'Should Have' argument is based wholly on Nick's assertion that an appliance 'should have' completed its job in the timescale set by him. Where this timescale has come from is anyone's guess but without exception falls considerably short of the actual timescale required.

For example; Nick puts a load of wet laundry into the tumble drier and turns it on. He then returns after a period of time and removes the laundry into the basket. He then leaves the basket on the kitchen table for the laundry fairy to sort out. As it is her week off, I come along to deal with it. But it is still wet.

Me: Did this washing go in the tumbley, love?
Nick: Yes.
Me: But why did you get it out - its not dry?
Nick: It was in there for 20 minutes.
Me: Well, that obviously wasn't long enough. Why didn't you put it on for longer?
Nick: Because it should have been long enough.
Me: But it wasn't. This isn't even halfway dry. It needs much longer. Can you put it back in, please?
Nick: No.
Me: What?
Nick: It should be dry by now, 20 minutes should have been enough.
Me: But it isn't.........

The 'Should Have' argument can also be applied to the gas fire - "It should have warmed up in here by now so we will turn it off." although you can see your breath as plumes of white frost each time you exhale and the kids' teeth drown out the TV with the chattering.

Other power saving edicts are that we no longer turn the TV off with the remote but get up and turn it off at the set, that the computer is not left running 24/7 as usual, that the kettle is only filled with the exact amount of water required and that heaters in the bedrooms are only switched on 5 minutes before the rooms are required and are switched off 10 minutes after getting into bed. Laundry should be dried by any means possible other than the tumble dryer ( bearing in mind that I do at least two loads of washing every day and that in this current season it would take at least a week if not more for anything to dry in the garage) and  the boys bottles are now heated for a maximum of 1 minute in the microwave instead of the required 1 min 30 secs (another victim of the 'Should Have' argument, sorry boys.).

Unfortunately for Nick, his new regime is severely hampered by the fact that he is at work for most of the day and Paige and I tend to forget the rules unless he is there to enforce them.

But the beast will not be put off and the campaign continues. Let's hope the next power bill is for a much reduced amount. I don't think the vein in Nick's forehead could take it if it isn't.